Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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