i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
