sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
