I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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