Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
