i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
