she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I am one with the molecules
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
