I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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