drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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