Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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