he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
