I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
