we have officially lost it.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
