Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
