real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
