i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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