Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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