Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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