Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Please, let me fuck your mom
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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