at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
