So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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