dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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