someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
