I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
