smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
