Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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