I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
