Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
