So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
