Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
