Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
