you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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