what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
