There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
