apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Randomize
