Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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