there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
