i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I met the friendliest cop last night
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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