11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
