There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
