Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
