is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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