Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
