when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
