If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
