it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
