my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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