I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
