I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
