You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
