why didn't you poke me back
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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