some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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